Duncan “Thorin” Shields has had his suspicions that he’s been guided by God throughout his esports career confirmed on Monday, after divine intervention broke Yilliang “Doublelift” Peng’s new Lenovo PC settings to leak major Team SoloMid transfer plans.
Multi-award winning journalist and self-professed 11th-century crusader Shields has long harboured a minor interest in toppling League of Legends titans TSM from their perch — an ambition the 37-year-old often keeps to himself.
While he’s been struggling to find any dirt on the four-time LCS champions of late, and so has let the rivalry simmer, a new development has seen him fire up the “deus vult” once more; as it turns out, God really does will him to “burn TSM to the ground.”
“I was spending my days asking for a sign, anything to prove my cause was just (mainly just so I could feel comfortable being on the same side as Monte) and they’ve finally answered my prayers,” Thorin told Fireball in his private OnlyFans Discord channel.
The lightning strike from the heavens — or as Thorin told Fireball he’s taken to calling it, “a Lenovo bolt” — seems to have been aimed directly at Doublelift’s streaming computer. While he was broadcasting on Twitch, his audio settings mysteriously changed.
The result? TSM president Leena Xu spilled all the secrets regarding LCS badboy Joshua “Dardoch” Hartnett, and what his future may hold.
During Doublelift’s stream, the former Liquid whipping boy would fall silent every so often to …. During the silence, CLG-turned-TSM-turned-Liquid-turned-TSM again fans could hear Xu talking on the phone. The results weren’t pretty.
“You literally promised me getting Josh [Dardoch] onboard would mean we got a Breaking Point 2 for the Netflix deal. What are we supposed to show them now? Peter coming back is okay, but Bjergsen is beardless again, Sergen has no fans..”
Xu paused for a moment, then laughed. “Biofrost? Until you just said his name even I forgot we had him on the team again. No, this is a big problem… no one wants to sign Dardoch. Did you not remind them he had that one good half-split on Echo Fox that one time?”
Needless to say, Thorin was ecstatic. It truly was a sign he had been blessed by the gods — according to him, it even confirmed they were CSGO fans too.
“There can be no denying it now, I am truly chosen by God. It’s almost no fun having a dig at TSM anymore… but why stop now!” he said. He also added to Fireball in a later DM he had his fingers crossed Rekkles would do “some dumb sh*t too.”
“Him fighting Broxah then lying about it just wasn’t juicy enough for me, not really. I know there’s something I’m missing in those late-night dinners he and Perkz keep having at Lorenz Adlon Esszimmer, but I’m just not sure what.”
Fireball has also heard reports Thorin’s aforementioned partner in crusading, Christopher “MonteCristo” Mykles, has spent the past 12 hours trying to figure out TSM’s tragedy is tied to the Overwatch League, to no avail.
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